As you can imagine the subject of grief is something I am asked about on a regular basis. I guess you could say it’s part of the job description really, it comes with the territory. But what if I told you grief could be the very thing shutting down that longed for connection with your loved one?
There’s no doubt about it – grief is a bitch! OK. Grief is a really tough emotion to deal with because it never really goes away. That’s the really hard part.
The way I visualise grief myself is that it’s like a great big hallway with many doors. These doors represent the myriad of memories you have of your loved one. It’s a bit of a gamble when you open one of these doors because you never really know how you are going to feel. You may open one door and feel happy and be able to smile at the memory, while another door on another day could be so painful you dissolve into tears.
So, there’s no doubt it’s a tricky thing to deal with.
The strong emotions of grief are just so hard to ‘get over’ and everyone’s different in terms of how long that takes or how and when that grief shows up.
Many people when they’re coping with a deep personal grief, withdraw a little bit from the world to be alone with their memories until they feel able to venture out in the world again while others cope in a different way.
The thing we crave the most when we lose a loved one is to have that connection again, “If I could have just told them I loved them,” or in many cases, “I hope they weren’t in pain before they passed.” To get that last connection or those answers many will turn to a medium or go along to a platform event like the ones I do.
The thing is before you know where you are you’ve been to six, seven mediums and the loved one you hoped to connect with hasn’t come through.
This makes your grief even harder – that sense of loss is compounded – even though I always say at every event, there is never any guarantee that the person you want to come through will come through.
Here’s the kicker. The hard thing about grief is that it actually impacts the ability for your loved one to come through because your energy is just so shut down.
Grief is like a vacuum sealed pack. You know when you see these bags closed up so tight around the item inside? That’s what grief does to you. It consumes you, it wraps around you – it brings your energy so close in to you. Your loved one may be trying to reach you, trying to connect with you but they just can’t find a way through that heavier, negative energetic field that’s wrapped all around you.
So what you have to do to try and overcome this is to open yourself up. Even as a medium I have to do this – I have to relax, and I have to consciously step down a gear and open myself up to be able to connect with Spirit.
Now I understand. You’re grieving. You’re in pain. Relaxing is easier said than done right? But let’s look at it this way …
If I asked you to go down to the beach and grab as much sand as you could possibly carry and bring it back to me right now what would you do? Well I can guarantee you would race down there, you’d grab it, and you’d grab it tight and you’d race all the way back and you’d say, “here it is”.
Well what’s happened to that sand?
When you grab it really tight you actually lose some of that sand. In fact, between running back and squeezing it tight you have lost most of that sand. So what if this time if I say, “ok I want you to go back to the beach and I want you to relax and scoop us much sand as you can. Just take your time and relax and bring it back to me.”
How much sand do you think you’d have?
You would come back to me with at least double what you had before. The point is, by relaxing, you would be able to bring back more sand, you could carry so much more.
Now this is just a simple analogy to explain what’s happening when we are trying to connect with Spirit when we are in the energy of grief. If we can teach ourselves to let go of the heavier energy, to open ourselves up it actually helps with the connection process. If we can learn not trying to control it so much we allow so much more to flow.
Now that you have that concept to the forefront of your mind I’m going to give you an exercise that will actually help you.
When you are laying down at night, just before you fall asleep, close your eyes and visualise that you are opening up your hand full of sand. I want you to say in your head, “I am opening up. I am ready to receive.”
You really have to feel the words and believe the words. You can try it as many times as you need. Just seeing in your mind’s eye (or using your imagination) see your hand opening up, full of sand and saying those words time after time until you really believe it with all your being.
Try repeating this exercise every evening before you fall asleep. The chances are it will take a little bit of time but if you keep ‘practicing’ and reciting the intention,
“I am opening up. I am ready to receive.” it will come.
Through this exercise you are training yourself to let go, and when you let go, a message from your loved one will get through because you will have raised that energy around you.
The most important thing to remember throughout your practice is just to let go of any expectations you have. Of course you want a message and yes it would be great if it just happened over night, but trust me when I say you just have to let go of the idea that “I have to connect with Auntie Mary tonight or that’s it”. Just relax and open yourself up to the possibilities of what or who might come through.
I still practice. I practice every single day and I am still learning something new, so you’ve got to be open to the process and trust that it will come. The more you do this, the more you will train yourself to open yourself up. Just relax and set the intention. Spirit can hear you but you have to give them time.
In doing this exercise I’m not suggesting for a minute that you are letting go of your grief of your loved one, or that you are minimising that loss. This is just a ‘technique’ to help you lay down the heavy energy that creates a barrier to what you want more than anything at this time – connection to Spirit.
Take control – don’t let grief control of you. You can do some of the work so when you go to see a medium, you are helping – you are actually part of that process in being able to bring your loved ones through.
The more love, the more laughter and the more happiness you can bring forward – the more you will help your loved one heal and in turn Spirit will be able to connect and help you heal too.
Let me know how you go with the practice. Did you notice anything specific come through either through dreams, symbols or even just your thought process around something? I’d love to hear if these tips helped.